I was driving home from work a few weeks ago, listening to my music when a special song started to play. As the song ended, I reached up and triggered the CD player in the car back a step to listen to the song again. After the song began to come to a close, I once again clicked it back to listen to it again. It came to me that I do this quite often and began to think about that. I don't do that to every song that comes in the queue. I then realized that there are certain songs that, when I hear them, one listen is not enough. The songs ends too soon. I began to take notice as to what songs effected me in this manner. Usually the main reason I need to listen to a certain song more than once are the lyrics but the music itself plays a big part in what makes me listen two or three times. I made a list in my mind of these songs and thought I might share with you a few of the songs that land somewhere deep in my mind to make me decide to listen again.
The song that started this whole thinking process was a song that I have loved since I was pre-teen. It is Simon and Garfunkel's recording of Paul Simon's "I Am A Rock". This song, as most of Paul Simon's compositions are, has a wonderful melody. It is a beautiful song that starts with just Simon and his guitar then slowly builds in intensity until at the very end when it goes quiet and soft and the final few lyrics are sung with just the guitar once again. It is the last track on the duo's "Sounds Of Silence" album and what a way to end an album that is mind provoking throughout.
The lyrics tell of a person who is a loner. The words try to justify to himself why he is such and tries to convince him that he enjoys being that way. It opens with a statement about where he finds himself at the time these thoughts creep into his mind:
A winter's dayIn a deep and dark DecemberI am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen, silent shroud of snow
A rather dark and bleak picture that tends to make a person do some deep thinking. Then comes the chorus which states the self affirmation of the individual:
I am a rock
I am an island
A simple chorus. It is only two short lines that are emphasized at the end of each statement that makes up a verse. I am a rock. I am strong and can withstand anything the world throws at me. I am an island. I am my own man, my own self and I go my own way. I think for myself and am not a follower. It is a powerful two lines that drive his thoughts home.
In between the restating of the chorus are lines that explain why he believes he is a rock, an island.
I've built walls
A fortress, steep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
Friendship causes pain
Its laughter and its loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island
During the course of my life I have hid behind those self made walls. It is difficult for people to get to know me. I have spent years building them and over the last several years I have been trying to deconstruct them, to raze them though without much success.
Don't talk of love
Well, I've heard the words before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I never loved, I never would have cried
I have loved and lost at love before. It does hurt. I was lucky to find a lasting love when I met Barbara and it was good. Three years ago in July I found myself losing love once again as Barbara passed away and once again, losing a love hurt. This one almost crushed me. I did cry. I cried by myself in a darkened quiet house. I still do every now and again.
I am a rock
I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
Ah, books and poetry. Yes I do have my books and I have poetry. Robert Frost's writings have brought out feelings in me as long as I have been reading it seems. John Steinbeck effects me much in the same way. Poems and novels full of life, meaning and lessons to be learned. I revisit them often. Then I also have my music whether I am playing it or listening. Music comforts me. I find music almost everywhere I listen. A train rolling down the tracks behind Paul's Drive-in blowing it's whistle, well I guess they aren't whistles anymore. Horns. Still it is a wonderful sound. Music is everywhere if you listen and pay attention. I can get lost in the music and the words that I have at my disposal. They do protect me from what is out there. My house is my "womb". It is where I feel safe and am comfortable. Not a lot of people get into my house anymore. It is sanctuary to me. For an individual to get into that inner sanctum, I seem to require that I can trust you with my special place.
I am a rock
I am an island
And then .... and then quietly he tells himself why he feels he has to be a rock. Why he has to be an island. The last few lines are sung softly with just a few quiet acoustic guitar chords that are even softer than the voice as he reflects on how he has to see himself in life.
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
I can't feel pain. I can't afford to. I will not cry for that would show the world too much of who I truly am, how I truly feel, how lonely I truly am.
Since I first heard this song I found that I saw a lot of myself in those words and thoughts. As I grew older I could relate deeper with them. When I hear that song, that wonderful beautiful song and I sing softly to myself along with the recording, I feel like I am that person and I am talking to myself. For most people this song is not that high on the list of songs that people think of when someone mentions Paul Simon or Simon and Garfunkel. It isn't "Bridge Over Troubled Water" or "The Sound Of Silence" but to me, it is probably one of the most honest songs that Paul Simon wrote. And so I listen to it over, and over, and over ......
I almost feel like I could end this entry at this point. It pretty much sums it up why I feel I have to listen to a song more than once. However there are a few more songs that lose me in what they mean.
Warren Zevon. That name may or may not be familiar to you. He was a great pianist with a voice that is very distinctive in a Bob Dylan kind of way if you get my meaning. You might be familiar with his biggest selling song entitled "Werewolves Of London". Yeah, that was the kind of songs he wrote for the most part. As humorous and eclectic as his songwriting was, if you read between the lines, he always had a message in t here. You had to search for that message pretty hard at times but the lessons were there. He made quite a few appearances on The Letterman Show where he was able to reach people who otherwise never would hear many of his songs. His albums were not top sellers and not many of his songs cracked the top forty. Then came 2002/2003 and his song writing became very retrospective.
In late 2002 Warren Zevon was diagnosed with Mesothelioma. A cancer of the lungs. Zevon was only 55 years old when diagnosed and that diagnoses would reach it's conclusion on September 7, 2003 when he was 56. He decided to put out one more album. The album titled "The Wind" was a work of passion. His passion for life, poetry, music and love. With this final chapter Zevon would bare his soul as he had never done before. You did not have to read too deeply between the lines to get his message in these songs. It is a beautiful album that is sad. It is sad yet celebratory. It is Warren looking back and looking forward and sharing what he sees and feels.
The song off of this swan song album is a message to his wife, friends and possibly his fans called "Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile". It is a song telling us he is dying and how he wants us to carry on after he is gone. It really needs no explanation or interpretation. It is clear what he is trying to say. There is no word twisting or assimilation, just feelings straight from his gut and his heart.
Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called "when all is said and done"
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you're doing simple things
around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on
your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile
These wheels keep turning but they're running out
of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile
Keep me in your heart for awhile
I'll be honest with you. This song always brings a lump to my throat. It is difficult for me to sing along to. Most times I start to sing, but then I just listen to Warren opening up his thoughts and his heart to the world. What a special message to leave his loved ones and friends. "The Wind" is Zevon's farewell and this song sums up the entirety of the album. Often when I listen to this song my mind wanders to Barbara. This is what she would want me to do. I know that. "If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less". I can hear Barb saying that to me. "Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house Maybe you'll think of me and smile". I can hear her saying that as well and I do think of her and smile.
Warren Zevon is no longer here on this earth. The words of his farewell will live on for a long time though. The words say more then even Zevon could put into words. I have the feeling that as he finished this song he still probably thought it doesn't say what he is feeling quite strong enough. And so I listen to this song over, and over and over ......
Leonard Cohen also did a swan song album before his death and I highly recommend to all my readers to listen to it if you get the chance. It is a short album recorded in his apartment from his favorite chair in his last days. It is a short album but powerful. He speaks of his impending death, his faith, old loves and things he did not understand. The name of this last album is "You Want It Darker". I'll give you just a small taste from "You Want It Darker". This a verse from the song "Treaty" on that album. Maybe it will give you a sense of Cohen at the end.
I've seen you change the water into wine
I've seen you change it back to water, too
I sit at your table every night
I try but I just don't get high with you
I wish there was a treaty we could sign
I do not care who takes this bloody hill
I'm angry and I'm tired all the time
I wish there was a treaty, I wish there was a treaty
Between your love and mine
I think Zevon's swan song serves this purpose and I have a quite a few Cohen songs that get repeated depending on my mood. The one that I think really catches me is called "The Tower Of Song". In this song Cohen gives us a peek into the mind of a songwriter. He gives insight into sacrifices made for the craft.
Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song
The tower of song. Writers often isolate while they are working. They have a special room or house away from all the distractions of the world so their creativity can flow. When he wrote this song he had been writing for a long time. He was starting to age. He has lost friends either to his art or death. He wants love but he is too busy to bother with it. The rent? Every song he writes while locked away in the tower.
I said to Hank Williams: how lonely does it get?
Hank Williams hasn't answered yet
But I hear him coughing all night long
A hundred floors above me
In the Tower of Song
This is one of my favorite verses in the song. It suggests there in this tower, there is a hierarchy among the artists. As great of a songwriter as Cohen was, he saw Hank Williams as ranking 100 floors above him. That, my friends, is a humble man and that is what makes this verse, to me, so special.
I was born like this, I had no choice
I was born with the gift of a golden voice
And twenty-seven angels from the Great Beyond
They tied me to this table right here
In the Tower of Song
Again, his talent is not of his making. It is a gift from God. He felt blessed and grateful for this gift that came at such a price to him. He accepted the gift and paid the price. That says a lot about who he was.
So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
I'm very sorry, baby, doesn't look like me at all
I'm standing by the window where the light is strong
Ah they don't let a woman kill you
Not in the Tower of Song
Now you can say that I've grown bitter but of this you may be sure
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there's a mighty judgment coming, but I may be wrong
You see, you hear these funny voices
In the Tower of Song
I see you standing on the other side
I don't know how the river got so wide
I loved you baby, way back when
And all the bridges are burning that we might have crossed
But I feel so close to everything that we lost
We'll never, we'll never have to lose it again
These three verses spell out what that price was. The sacrifice of losing loves many times. The sorting out of the voices of creativity. No woman can come between a songwriter and his songs. In a way, the gift he was given was his true love I suppose. It was what gave him pleasure.
Now I bid you farewell, I don't know when I'll be back
They're moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track
But you'll be hearing from me baby, long after I'm gone
I'll be speaking to you sweetly
From a window in the Tower of Song
Yeah my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I'm crazy for love but I'm not coming on
I'm just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song
And so the song ends. Continuing to pay his rent in the tower creating songs and words until the day he died. I think the reason this song connects with me is that need to create. Now I am in no way saying I create as great as Leonard Cohen did. If Leonard Cohen thought that Hank Williams was a hundred floors above him, then Leonard Cohen is somewhere along the lines of an infinite number of floors above me. But I do like to write. I am not as talented with my writing as he was with his music, but it gives me pleasure. I enjoy it. I enjoy people reading my writing. I feel like if I can contribute just a little something to someone's life, I may have accomplished something and so I listen to song over and over and over ....
Thinking about Hank Williams now since Mr. Cohen paid tribute to him in that last song. Cohen was correct. The world has produced some great songwriters over the centuries. Some stand a little higher than others. Gershwin, Carmichael, Rodgers and Hammerstein so many great songwriters that rank at the top not to mention the jazz and classical composers. For my money, Hank Williams is right up there at the top with the best of them. The lyrics that he writes are some of the most heart wrenching love songs ever written and the music that goes with those wonderful words, the melodies, is absolutely gorgeous. Over the last 68 years since his death it seems like everyone in the music world has covered his songs and each time the song is beautiful. Now that I think about it, it could be almost impossible to ruin a Williams song. You can't help but find your soul being pulled into the songs whether listening or singing. It grabs by the shirt collar and immerses you into the emotion that those songs carry with them. My personal Hank tune and a song I consider one of the greatest popular songs ever written is "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry". Like Warren Zevon's song discussed earlier, this masterpiece does not need to be thought about what he is trying to say. It is straight in your face as most of his numbers are. Hank didn't play games with words. He wrote what he felt and did it in such a way that it speaks to everyone who gives the time to listen. So my friends, Hank Williams' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry"
Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hide its face and cry
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves began to die?
Like me, he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry
The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry
It is not a long song. It is short and straight to the point. It has that Hank Williams magic embedded into it and so I listen to this song over and over and over .....
I think you get the idea of why some songs, such as these, make feel like I want more of that. The song is over way too soon. There are not a lot of songs that have this effect on me. I would guess maybe 15 or less. My mood at the time has a lot to do with it as well. Some of those artist that I can say gives me a song or two include John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Jim Croce, John Denver, Joni Mitchell, Gordon Lightfoot, Harry Chapin, Graham Parsons, Neil Young (I really feel like I should have shared one of his songs. Listen to "The Needle And The Damage Done" or "Long May You Run" to get a sampling). These artists, these craftsmen have given the world a part of their soul. I am so glad that they did that for us. It is that part of themselves that dwell in some of these songs that make me listen to them over and over and over ....
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