A LOVE STORY - "Beginnings"

Barbara Ann Kissinger was her name.  I do not remember the first time I met her.  She first appeared in my life as the sister in law of the church's new Music Director.  When she came into my circle of friends I was dating Debbie and I do believe I was in love at that point in my life.  Debbie and I had been together for a year or so though now it feels like we had been together much longer.  Later in life Barbara would tell me that when her friends from school were telling her about the other youth at her new church they would single me and Debbie out and tell her "That's Bill and Debbie ... they're inseparable".  Debbie and I weren't inseparable though.  Just a few months after Barbara was told that as a fact,  Debbie and I had a talk in her parent's basement where I was told that maybe we should just remain friends.  It hurt but I respected Debbie far too much to fight her about her thoughts.  I graciously accepted the fact that we were not to be and walked away alone.  I was never one to be  over run with females that were interested in me so I was able to adjust back into single mode of life fairly quickly and easily.

The common denominator between Barbara and myself was my very good friend Valerie.  Val and I had been friends for years and were pretty close.  It was Valerie who I shared my first kiss with in the boiler room of the church one Wednesday night.  Valerie was two years older than me and we talked about many intimate things.  Among those things was the fact that I had never really kissed girl in a deep and sensual way.   Valerie, being the great friend that she was, offered to help me along in learning the basics of romance, which was greatly appreciated and enjoyed.  

Barbara and Val were two grades ahead of me in school even though they both were just a little more than a year older than me.  This was because the school district had a promotion date of October 1 of each year.  Barbara being born in September of 1955 would graduate in 1973 while I being born in October of 1956 would not graduate until 1975.  I never understood why the district settled on October as the cut off date instead of sometime in the summer months which would have made more sense to me.  However that was the setup and as a result Barbara was one of the youngest in her class while I was one of the oldest in mine.

It was towards the end of the school year in May of 1973 when Barbara, Val and their classmates began to plan for their big graduation night.  All of the girls had a date except for Barbara and so she and Val started the search for a likely candidate.   I am not sure which of the girl's idea it was but one of them recalled that I was recently free from Debbie and that I might be willing to escort Barbara on her big day.  Barbara had shown an interest in me lately but she didn't want to seem to forward and so it was decided that Val would put out feelers to me on whether I might be interested in the idea.  The thing to remember is that Val and I were very close.  You might say she was my best friend at school.  We shared a locker together which was unique since she was a senior and I was a lowly sophomore.

On that particular morning I met Val at the locker as usual.

"You know Barb Kissinger from church?" she asked with that wry smile of hers.

"From church?  Not sure.  Why?"

"You know, Jerry and Nancy's sister.  Short?  Like me.  How would you like to tag along to the senior party after graduation with her .... and me and Robert."  She had a little grin on her face as she reached for her textbook for her class.  "You know Barb.  She sings in the choir.  There!  Right there.  Remember her now?"

I turned and looked to my side and saw a short brunette walking past.  She turned her head slightly and glanced at me.  When our eyes met she dropped her head and increased her pace a little bit.  I recognized her as being the little sister of the music director's wife.  

"Oh yeah.  I remember her."  I then felt like I should add a caveat to my recollection.  "I mean I don't really KNOW her.  Just know who she is.  So I would be, like, her date?"

Val flashed a quick grin at me.

"Date?  I guess you call it that.  Party is at King Louie after graduation.  Sheryl and her boyfriend, me and Robert and you and Barb? Think you can go?  It would be almost an all nighter."

I was not sure how to answer this proposition that came out of the blue.  I couldn't give an answer on the spot unless it was a "no".  I would have to ask mom and dad about this and that wasn't exactly a cool answer to give.

"I dunno Val.  I'll have to see." avoiding the question for the time being.

Val tilted her head.  "Well it's in a couple of weeks.  It'll be fun and Barb is really nice.  Come on you'd like her and just between you and me, she really likes you."

Val turned quickly and waved over her head as she walked away.

"See you at lunch!  Have a fun with your math!" she called out as she left

I did not know what to think.  I had a hard time keeping focused on Mrs. Skaggs algebra class as I tried to form a picture of Barb in my mind.  I did know who she was but had not really paid much attention to her.  I had a lot of things going on at the church and I had been trying to keep my mind off of the situation with Debbie to take notice of a relatively new girl at the church.

That night as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep Val's voice kept running through my mind.  "She really likes you".   She was cute.  She had a nice smile.  She was very short.  Then again, short isn't that big of a deal.  I could look past that.  Being at the senior party would be kind of neat.  I had a few friends in the class of '73 and Val would be there to rescue me if things with south for some reason.  I decided to see what mom thought about it on Saturday.  I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.  It actually could be an exciting.

I approached mom Saturday afternoon before I went to play basketball with Larry and Ronnie at the church parking lot.  All my chores were complete so I figured I should talk to her about it while I was still in her good graces.  I found her a little apprehensive when I explained the details of the approaching night.  Val would be with me.  Yes it would be late into the night but Val would be there.  It would be a highly chaperoned party at a well known venue and Val would be there.  This girl I was taking was Nancy Olthoff's little sister AND Val would be there.  Actually I would REALLY be going with Val and just hanging around with this Barb girl .... whoever she was.  As I watched her look at me as she was thinking my thought was "well, this is going to be a big no".

"Let me talk to your dad about this.  You be home for supper?"  she was standing with her hand on her hip as I grabbed my basketball to head out.

"Unless Ronnie's mom asks me to stay to eat, sure."   I grabbed my keys to head over to Ronnie's.  Talking to dad was for sure a positive for me.  That meant she was leaning towards being okay with it and just telling dad what I had planned.  Sure enough when dad and I got home from work on Monday mom gave me the green flag to go out with the seniors after graduation.

I didn't see Barb much over the next week or so.  I talked to her a little at church as the day approached just to get a feel for her.  She was nice, Val was right about that.  She was cute with a nice smile but she didn't seem to know music very well.  I noticed that when I was talking to Ronnie about a new album that had been released she had not shown any interest or knowledge about it.  This was a little discomforting but not enough for me to back out of the Senior Party coming up.  I could overlook a few important things just to get through that night.  It would not be a problem in my mind.

The day of graduation finally arrived and along with it some devastating news.  The morning of graduation, Val's boyfriend Robert had been arrested and was currently in the county jail.  He had been caught on security cams defacing the building of a rival high school the previous night.  No one knew why he had done this.  Val was crushed.  I found out when Val picked me up to go to the LDS Auditorium where the graduation traditionally took place.  I could tell something was wrong when I got in her little green Ford Pinto.  Her eyes were red as she tearfully told me she would not be going to the after party.  I spent the whole ride across town trying to change her mind and to go.  From my perspective this could bring big trouble to me if Val did not go.   We arrived at the auditorium in Independence and as we parted ways Val said she probably would go.  We agreed on a place to meet after graduation and I entered to mostly empty auditorium  to wait to see the ceremony to be followed by a long night of celebration with the new graduates of the Class of 1973 of Ruskin High School.

The ceremony was a long one as all of them from Ruskin High School were back in those days.  I knew what I was in for as I remembered sitting through my sister's graduation the previous year.  One by one the graduates would be announced as they walked across the stage to receive a book like holder for their diploma but without an actual diploma inside of it.  Those would be mailed to the graduates later.  I sat through the whole thing watching many friends from both school and my church go through the ritual of passing into adulthood like so many before them.  I thought of Val as I sat there listening to the speeches.  Val walked across the stage with her head held high masking the heartache that she was carrying.  I watched as Barb, my companion for the next few hours, walked and graduated.  After about two hours or so (probably longer) I went to meet Val, Barb and the others that would be riding together to King Louie to celebrate the end of their public education careers.

We all rode in separate cars to a shopping center where we left all the cars and to consolidate into one car for the ride over to King Louie West.  Val sat in the back seat with me and Barb silently running things through her mind about everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.  The King Louie facility was over on the Kansas side of town.  I had never been there before and have only returned once or twice since that night.  It was huge.  They had a huge arcade, a billiards room with dozens of pool tables.  There was a hockey size skating rink, dozens of bowling lanes.  In short just about everything you could want if you were going to spend the better part of the night there.

Barb walked by my side as we entered.  She was in a great mood with a big smile on her face.  She informed me that she had never been ice skating but she had played pool.  Her father had a pool table in their basement at home.  She had been bowling before but she thought she would have a difficult time at the pinball machines because of her height and short arms.  After talking a bit the group of us decided to bowl a few frames first.  Only four of us bowled as Val wandered along with the group not saying much and not feeling up to doing anything.  After bowling the group spent a little time on the pool tables splitting up into couples after that.  Val went and sat at the concession drowning her sorrows in Coca-Cola.  Barb and I started walking around observing other graduates and stopping to talk to them once in awhile.  Eventually we found ourselves at the skating rink as we found our conversation stalling.

"Want to skate?" she asked as she stopped walking to stare out at the ice.

"I guess.  You want to?"

"I never have but sure, I'll try it if you stay by me."  she asserted.  Just then one of her classmates came crashing into the wall and fell to a stop flat on her posterior in front of us.

"You sure you want to?" I asked her with a smile.  She gave a slight chuckle and affirmed that since everyone else seemed to be having a rough go of it, why not as long as I stayed close to her.   

We went to get our skates.  She wore a size 6.  Tiny little skates that looked like they would fit on a fourth grader.  We sat and I laced up my skates while she worked on getting hers on.  I went ahead out onto the ice while she was working on it.   I was pretty athletic growing up with good coordination and quick reflexes.  I was very surprised at how easy ice skating was to me.  The only problem that I encountered was figuring out how to stop.  I found it very much like roller skating.  I took a few laps totally enjoying the new experience and for a short while forgot all about Barb, my date for the night, preparing for her maiden attempt on the ice.  As I came around on another lap I suddenly saw her on the glassy surface.  She was holding onto the side rail for dear life, slowly trying to work her way around the rink.  The next time I came up on her I slammed myself into the wall in front of her.  It was the only way I knew how to stop.  She gave out a little squeal of surprise when I banged into the wall.

"You said you had never done this before" she laughed out.

"I haven't.  I swear.  You want some help?"

"YES!  This is crazy!" she exclaimed with that beautiful smile.  I do think that was the first time I truly noticed how beautiful that smile was.  It was a smile that I would never forget.  I took one of her hands while she used the other one to hold onto the railing and we slowly made our way around the rink a few times.  We would hold hands the rest of the night.  

The party officially ended as far as King Louie and the school were concerned at around 3 in the morning.  We met up with the rest of the group that had ridden over together to head out to finish off the night.  Barb and I sat in the back seat with Val holding hands.  We ended up at Terrace Lake Shopping Center where we had left the other cars.  Someone found a Frisbee in one of the cars and we spent the next hour or so tossing it between us.  It wasn't long before someone noticed the time and suggested we all head home.  It was around four in the morning as we headed to our cars.

"You riding home with Val?" Barb asked in an almost hoping way.

"Yeah I think I should.  She's had a rough night."

Barb understood the situation with Val and agreed.  Just before I go into Val's car Barb came running up to the window.

"Here."  She handed me a small piece of paper.  "My phone number if you want to call.  I had fun.  Thanks"

"I had fun to.  It was a good time.  I'll call you"

And with that the short little girl with the beautiful smile slid into her Chevy and drove off.  It was the first night of what would become a lifetime together.  A lifetime that was cut off to short but also a lifetime that would be filled to capacity with sharing, living and loving.

It was only the beginning.

THE DIFFERENCE IN TEN YEARS

I was sitting in my favorite spot in my living room this morning listening to an album that was released fifty years ago.  Steely Dan's "Can't Buy A Thrill" stared at me as the music wafted through my ears and into my head landing in the memory bank of my mind.  I first saw and heard Steely Dan perform "Do It Again" on "The Midnight Special" one Saturday night.  Donald Fagen had a distinct voice that caught my attention immediately.  It was a good song with good lyrics.  Back in the 1973 pop music was, in my mind, in the middle of the greatest decade of rock music in my lifetime.  The years 1965 to 1975 plus maybe a couple of years added to each side of that timeline took rock, country and jazz music through  a magnificent metamorphosis.  I can look back to the Top 40 of any week during that decade and my mind just whispers to me, "wow....".  As I scanned my memories from 50 years ago I started thinking what I was like 50 years ago.  Looking back 50 years ago even I wouldn't recognize myself.  I was a kid of 16 then with my whole future ahead of me.  I had yet to buy my 1967 Impala.  It was a time of transition for me from Debbie to Barbara with my last few months of freedom on that front being realized.  I had my career picked out but that was about the only thing of consequence I had accomplished.

My mind shifted to the changes my life had gone through in just the last ten years.  I thought about how I am now compared to just ten years ago.  "Just ten years ago".  During the ten years that followed 1973 I had graduated High School, married Barbara and adopted Brett.  I was in a job with a company that would see me through to my retirement.  In 1983, it still felt like I had my whole future ahead of me with a lifetime to go.  Time passes quickly though.  As I look back I can see that now and realize that life is ever changing and it doesn't stop until you take that last breath.  I am much closer to that last breath now than I was in 1973, 1983 or even 2013.

As I look back at myself in 2013 compared to today the changes are dramatic.  Brett had graduated high school 13 years before and had left Barbara and me with an empty nest.  Dutch never got over Brett not being there and go crazy wild every time Brett came walking through the door.  Dutch was only 5 years old at the time and still had his tank of energy at full.  In 2013 I would take Dutch for a weekly walk as I had Rudy before him.  I did not walk Dutch as far and as long on those walks as I had Rudy though.  Rudy had developed problems with his joints at an early age.  I did not want that to happen to Dutch.

Barbara's health was just beginning to slide on that downhill slope.  Her back was just beginning to bend forward as the fusion of her spine began.  She was able to still ride with me to Alabama to visit family but in 2013 we only ventured that direction once a year.  Mom and dad were still living in Kansas City but slowly their health was beginning to decline as well.  In three years they would relocate to Alabama to live closer to my sister.  When they moved was when my hands were full trying to take care of Barbara whose health was on a rapid decline, and dad's health was starting to fail as well.  As a family we decided that Elaine could take better care of mom and dad than I could while I was trying to take care of Barbara.  I think Barbara's last trip to Alabama was in 2014.  She made one more trip, that being to Texas for her nephew Travis' wedding.  As far as I know she never left Kansas City after that.  It was too hard on her back to even make a trip across the state to St. Louis.

We were on the last of the Saturns we would buy, Barbara driving a 2007 while I drove my precious 2006 Ion.  I think I loved that car more than any other car I had owned except maybe the 1979 Malibu that I had purchased brand new.

Barbara had returned to work and was happy with her job.  It would be the last job she held working for R. L. Stein Construction as an office manager.  In three short years, the spring f 2016, Barbara would stop working because of her health issues and begin the process of applying for Social Security Disability.  I was still working at Dit-MCO putting in my 34th year with the company.  I like to think I had attained the status of old-timer among the younger workers that brought a little respect for just staying around so long.

My health was not on the bight side in 2013 though it was much better than Barbara's.  I had two big wake up calls in 2012 and 2013.  In 2012 I had suffered my first heart attack.  It was the first sign to me that maybe I was starting to get old.  In 2013 I had my first colonoscopy where they found and removed several per-cancerous polyps.  This put me on the three year colonoscopy plan which I was thrilled about.  Since that first colonoscopy they have removed per-cancerous  with every procedure.  As you can guess, I am still on three year plan.

Ten years ago I was still fairly active though.  I broke my foot playing basketball with Brett that year and we never finished the game.  I claim the victory though since I was up on him as the time of the fracture.

The house had undergone a slight transformation.  After having carpal tunnel surgery on both my wrists, it was near impossible for me to paint the house.  Putting vinyl siding on the house became our first major improvement on the house other than a couple of new roofs over the years.  It improved the look of the house dramatically.  Barbara and I did not spend a lot of money ten years ago as we saw ourselves nearing our 6th decade of life and started trying to save a little bit for retirement.  Barbara was more concerned about our readiness for retirement than I was or so it seemed to me.  I didn't require a lot of money to keep me happy and I thought I would do very well keeping the standard of living we had then on into retirement. After mom and dad moved south, my trips to Alabama became more frequent and I depended upon Brett and our neighbors to keep an eye on Barbara due to her health.  I did not like leaving her alone with only Dutch to keep an eye on her.

I think it was around 2013 when my natural cynicism rose to a new level concerning events and life in general.  When President Obama was elected in 2008 I held out hope that he would be a good man for the job.  I even made an entry in this blog about my hope for the new administration.  By 2013, that hope had been obliterated.  My cynical side became stronger and I went int a phase of life of not trusting or believing anyone outside my own little family.  In 2013 I saw the world as a huge mess with respect being thrown out the window.  The youngsters of 2013 (under twenties) did not seem to take seriously anything.  They did not have respect for the country or the system that made this country as great as it is.  Ten years later I look back at those kids in 2013 and realize that they were not too different than I was in 1973.  Strange how that works.

Now I look at myself in 2023 compared to that person I just described.  I am calmer now than I was ten years ago.  I don't let my anger out hardly at all.  I tend to let things slide a little bit more.  I feel like I have come to accept the way the world is.  I do not understand a lot of things that go on in the world these days but things do not seem to bother me as drastically as they use to.

I am retired now after receiving a kind reminder from God that I am mortal by way of a second heart attack.  That heart attack the day before Barbara's birthday put me in the same hospital, in the same ICU just down the hall from where Barbara had died.  Those few days gave me plenty of time to think.  I thought about where I was and where my life was going.  I confirmed my thinking that life is indeed far to short.  I came to the conclusion that perhaps I had not lived my life to it's fullest.  Perhaps a little Charles Dickens crept into my thinking that I still had time, just as old Ebeneezer Scrooge had time to change a little.

I find myself in this phase of my life as entering the end game.  I am heading towards 70 now, an age I never could foresee happening.  I began my life with Barbara in the form of a first date 50 years go.  It was not always easy during those years.  There were plenty of rough times mainly because of myself.  We made it though.  During those last years with Barbara we grew closer to each other on a daily basis.

Now the nest is not only empty, my whole life feels empty at times.  The house especially feels so quiet and empty.  Dutch died last November, Brett of course is out making his way through life and Barbara has been taken to her heavenly home.

I find myself trying to learn how to live on my own by myself.  I have had to overcome my anxiety about making phone calls and still have a ways to go on that.  I have to learn how to keep up the house and keep it in order.  I have to learn to keep doctor and dentist appointments.  I have to learn to keep a healthy diet.  I have learned to keep myself busy and out of the house a day or two each week.  I have found a place to volunteer my time to helping others.

I have to learn to deal with the silence and the emptiness that I feel not only in the house, but in my heart. 

I guess the biggest change from 2013 to 2023 is that in 2013 I felt a purpose.  I was working.  I was taking care of loved ones.  I was being productive. In 2023 I am still productive.  I am still active.  I do feel that in 2023 I am being myself more than I ever had in the past.  I use to spend what seemed like every hour of everyday I was trying to do the right thing, to please somebody to do what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.  I feel like the vast majority of my life was not about me but what others expected of me.  There hasn't been a lot of "Bill" in my life.  I am trying to change that.  Still though there are times that when I do take a step in that direction, I suffer consequences from people who still have those expectations and there is nothing I can do or say to change those attitudes. Even now as I contemplate whether to publish this put it out for the world to read, I have a hesitancy because of some of those factors from long ago. 

But in 2023 I also realize I am aging and as time ticks away ever so quickly I age even faster.  There are times when I feel so alone in a house that in the past I had craved to be alone in once in awhile. 

I feel like I am existing from day to day to day knowing that one day that last breath with finally come.

This writing did not take the course I was thinking it would.  I strayed a little I think.  I do think I painted a picture, albeit a sloppy picture, of how I have changed from who I was in 2013 to who I am today.  I am a work in progress still.  

I keep moving forward.

ENTRY NUMBER 498

 There is not a title for this entry to the blog. So, why no title.  Recent events in my life have put me into thinking mode.  Crazy convoluted thinking.  My mind has been running all over the place jumping from one topic to another.  It has been jumping all over the place at such a speed that I am not able to get organized in any manner or form.  Therefore, I guess I'll just write down .... well, whatever and see if you people can make any sense of it better than I can.  I am not going to post this on Facebook as I normally do, so it will probably be read by less then ten readers.  I have had this blog looked at over 86,000 times mostly because of Facebook.  I only have 2 followers according to my stat report on the it so do the math.  No one will hardly see this.  This is a good thing in this case as it makes it easier for me to write anything I want and not give much worry as to what people think.  Let's try this and see what comes out.

It is midnight here in Kansas City, Missouri the morning of March 27, 2022.  I have learned over the many years of my life that when people ask where are you from and you answer Kansas City, they immediately ask you how are things in Kansas? This irritates me a lot.  I do not live in Kansas.  Never have have and, if I have my way, never will.  I don't actually HATE the great state of Kansas.  It is just that Kansas is not Missouri and I LOVE Missouri.  I was born here and have lived my entire life here so far.  After the last few years, particularly the last week or so, I no doubt will die here as well.

Yes I love this state.  There are many reasons why I do.  One of those reasons, ironically, is the fact that Kansas is so damn close.  On the western side of the Missouri there is a natural rivalry between the two states.  It is more than the rivalry tween the two major universities, University of Kansas in Lawrence and the University of Missouri in Columbia.  This divide between these states can be traced at least as far back as the United States Civil War, if not earlier.  Before the war began and as part of Missouri being given statehood in August of 1821 the powers that be came up with the Missouri Compromise.  The main part of the compromise was the beginning of ending the growth of slavery in the country.  Missouri would be the last state to come into the union as a slave state.  All territories and states from then on would be free non-slavery states and territories.  It was a huge first step in the country's move towards ending the institution of slavery.

There is a misconception that Missouri was a southern state and a part of the Confederacy.  Fact is that when the CSA was created, Missouri did not succeed from the union.  This state has always been a member of the United States of America from it's inception.  This worked out great for the north and eastern part of the state.  St. Louis was a northern, anti-slavery city without a doubt. Most historians consider St. Louis the last eastern city in the country and Kansas City the first western city.  That is a little side track but one that I have always found interesting.  Anyway, Kansas City definitely supported the southern cause and lined up with the CSA.  Kansas settlers were supportive of the abolitionist and so on the border between Kansas and Missouri fierce fighting and battles broke out during and after the war was over.  Kansans were known as Jayhawkers while the Missouri folk were referred to as Ruffians.  The most famous of these Missouri Ruffians was one Bloody Bill Anderson.  He was best known for raids into Kansas multiple times and once burning the town of Lawrence to the ground.  Eventually, after the war was over, the Federal Government had to institute Order Number 11,  I think that is what it was.  Barbara would know for sure, but this order acted kind of like the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea.  Eventually the two states learned to live next to each other, but deep down there is still a little of that rivalry existing between the citizens whose families have been in the border area for many years.  New comers don't understand it, but they shouldn't be expected to I guess.

So I have lived my whole life within 15 minutes of Kansas.  In all honesty though, the people of Kansas are good people.  They are typical mid-west friendly as much as those in Missouri are. My definition of the mid-west is not the same as it is nationally.  Ohio part of the mid-west?  I don't think so.  The mid-west to me is east to west from the eastern border of Indiana and there about to the western border of Kansas.  From north to south it goes from the Canadian border down to maybe northern Texas, no further south than Dallas though.  Mid-west people are very friendly and helpful.  I would rate the people of the southeast and the mid-west about the same.  There is no better place to have a car breakdown on you than somewhere in the Great Plains.  You will have help and get helped back on your way s soon as possible.  Thinking about that now, it could be because these mid-westerners don't want you to be hanging around the area very long.  They see California car tags and the general thought is that the sooner we get them out of here the better.  I can see that thought process being carried through.  I can see myself thinking that way actually.

I have visited other cities in the country.  The cities I have spent most of my time out of Kansas City include San Francisco, Oakland, Denver and Chicago.  Also on my travel resume are the cities of Los Angeles, Seattle, Boston, Nashville, Memphis, Dallas, Phoenix and Louisville as well as some smaller areas. I can honestly say that none of those cities compare to my home town.  That is to be expected though I imagine.  I do love this town and state.

Well, it is 1:30 am on the 27th of March of 2022.  I have breakfast and church services in the morning so I'll temporarily stop for now and maybe pick this up again tomorrow. 

Woke up a little early this morning, around 6:30 when my Sunday morning alarm is set for 7:00.  I do not find a problem with this as it gives just a little more time to relax with Dutch.  I love my Sunday mornings.  It is an important part of my week and the most relaxing part of my week.  I wake up and first thing on the agenda is to let Dutch out.  While he is outside taking care of business I grind up some coffee beans and brew a nice pot of my favorite beverage followed by letting Dutch back inside.  I then shave and take a shower, get dressed, put some music on before sitting down and enjoying a cup of coffee while petting Dutch.  This is such a relaxing few minutes that Dutch loves.  I head out towards my first stop of the morning.  At 9:00 every Sunday morning I walk into the Belton Crackerbarrel Restaurant.  Sometimes I enter with my special friend Lisa if she is feeling well or wasn't up all night dealing with things in her life.  Most Sundays though, I enter alone and sit facing the windows that look out onto I-49 to watch the traffic pass by as I eat.  And what do I eat?  It is very simple.  Coffee and Mama's Pancake Breakfast. This gets me two eggs, two sausage patties and three pancakes to go along with my coffee.  Now the church is only a few minutes away so I can eat leisurely taking my time enjoying every bite.  At 10:05 I head out the door for the short drive to the Open Door Bible Church a couple of blocks away.

When I arrive at the church I exchange greetings with the "Welcomer of the Week" before heading to a board that has name tags printed on to sticky labels.  I find my name, put the tag on my shirt and walk into the sanctuary to find a seat on the back row.  Today was the last Sunday of the month so at the end of the service we partook of communion.  This is always a special time for me.  It has been special nearly my whole life.  Communion upholds my beliefs and my faith.  It is a time of reflection that provides me a way to strengthen my faith and what changes I may need to make from the mistakes that occur on a daily basis.  This week there was a lot of reflection and corrections that need to be considered.

I can predict the rest of this particular Sunday.  I'll find a ball game to watch or maybe a movie.  I might listen to more music.  More than likely a nap will happen at some point in the day.  Sunday s a day off for me in a series of days that are all days off more or less since I retired.  I'll head to bed around midnight or so and wake up tomorrow morning whenever Dutch feels it is time to get up.

Well, I think ENTRY NUMBER 498 went fairly well.  Perhaps I will do the same for number 499.  I don't know.

Right now though, it is publish time.

A CAREER COMES TO AN END

September 1, 2021.  I was sitting at my desk working out the puzzle of untangling lines to make an artwork that would become a printed circuit board.  It was a nice fall afternoon with the sun shining and I was totally focused on the task at hand.  About 12:30 in the afternoon my chest started to feel odd.  It was a small pain that made me feel like someone was lightly pushing on my chest.  I shook it off and continued to work but the pain and pressure started to increase.  Soon the pain became so severe I found it hard to breathe and found myself clutching at my chest while moans of pain escaped from my lips.  I remember Patrick, who had been helping me train Ian on how to use the software to create printed circuit boards, showed up at the opening to my office as I was falling out of my chair towards the floor.

"What's going on Clarkster?" Patrick asked as he bent over to catch me from hitting the floor.

I struggled to get the words out of my mouth.  My chest felt so tight I could barely summon up enough breath to speak. "I think .... heart attack...." as my voice faded off at the end.

Patrick immediately disappeared as I lay on the floor and the pain intensified.

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I have written about my chosen career in previous posts at some length.  In short I grew up fascinated with art.  I wanted to draw badly and after buying some books and trying my hand at it I discovered that I did indeed draw badly.  I discovered the world of drafting while helping my dad work in the sheet metal shop at Rycom Instruments on the occasional Saturday.  I would wander up the stairs and walk around the building taking in what the company did.  One day I walked into the drafting room. Machines that had rulers attached to them were mounted on large tables.  I look at the drawings still unfinished taped to the table tops.  It was there at the age of around ten that I decided that this was meant for me and my calling in life was to do this kind of drawing.  I was able to get a job as a Junior Draftsman at the age of 17.  Through an "on the job training" program offered by the high school I was able to graduate a semester early with all my credits to work full time at Rycom.  I worked at Rycom until I was 22 in 1978 when I left to work for Labonco Corporation.  After only a year at Labconco I was asked to join the team at Dit-MCO International by some of my peers who had also left Labconco.

On December 3, 1979 I drove up 63rd Street to the Byram's Ford Industrial Park. The park was the site of a Civil War battlefield that was part of the Battle of Westport.  In what was now an industrial park was one of the bloodiest sites of the Westport confrontation,  Dit-MCO was the second largest company in the park, the other being a Pepsi-Cola distribution center.  At the time Dit-MCO occupied 5 buildings in the park along with a little house that was painted pink affectionately referred to as "The Pink House" among the employees.  The company had 2 engineering departments at the time and my department was located in "The DuPont Building'.  DuPont was located in the rear of the building with Dit-MCO in the front. I nervously walked up the steps and through the door where a young lady asked if she could help me.  After explaining that I was starting to work there,  she led me into a room where I saw my former co-workers from Labconco.  They welcomed me warmly and showed me to my desk.  I felt almost at home with these friends getting me set up at a desk, taking me on a small tour and helping me to settle in.  There were only a handful of people I did not know at the time but would become pretty close to all of them.  One of those faces I met for the first time would become a great friend to me and my family until his death in 2017.  Dennis Purduski was not in a good mood that morning.  The ballast on the light fixture over his table had started leaking it's tarry black insulation liquid on his drafting table over the weekend and the man was storming back and forth trying to clean the mess up and talking under his breath.  In June 1980, the company moved us to a building in Kansas City, Kansas at 6th and Central.  The day we moved in my drafting table ended up directly in front of Dennis' table.  He looked at the person behind him and then at the worker in front of me then looked at me very seriously.

"You and I?" he said matter of factually, "are going to become very good friends" and then he sighed.

He was correct.  We became extremely close.  We ended up being naturally associated with each other almost as much as Barbara and I were.  It was not uncommon to being referred to as one entity that was "Bill and Den".  Dennis received the affection and friendship of Barbara.  She became use to Dennis and myself going off to the races together, going to Kansas City Kings basketball games, going out after work to a bar across from the office for happy hour every Wednesday because they had free food.  Neither of us drank so I had a coke and Dennis had an orange juice as we sat there listening to the jukebox, talking, laughing and eating for free.  Dennis went to Alabama with Barb and myself to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and my family one year.  When Brett came along Dennis became Uncle Den as he and Brett would spend lots of time together.  I do miss him so.

When I began working at Dit-MCO there were almost 500 employees.  During the mid 80's Dit-MCO began downsizing as many companies were because of a recession.  Dennis got caught in the downsizing and his time with Dit-MCO came to an end but our close friendship did not.

It was a good company.  Dit-MCO had benefits that few companies offered.  The company wanted loyalty from their employees and they did whatever needed to be done to keep their employees.  One of the benefits that they offered was paying for any college or educational courses that you took as long as it related to your job or was going towards a degree.  I started back to school almost immediately and finished a 2 year degree at Longview Community College followed by finishing my education at Park University.

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After Patrick vanished I was able to open my eyes and look around.  I decided I probably should get to the hospital.  I was able to slowly stand up and work my way to a table in the room.  I had to stop and lean on the table when I got there.  I couldn't breathe and I was still clenching at my chest from the tightness and the pain.

It seemed like I had just got to the table when Sang, the VP of Engineering, came through the doors heading towards me with Patrick close on his heels.

"What are you doing?" Sang demanded as he walked in and saw me.

"Going to drive to the hospital.  I think I need to." I replied.

Sang pointed at me and gave his order. "You aren't driving anywhere.  Lay down on the floor.  Has anyone called 911"  No response. "Patrick call 911. Clarkster, you have any aspirin?"

"umm ... no ..."

"Rodney go see if you can find some aspirin.  Todd, call Kenton and tell him we need the defibrillator over here.  Somebody go get Brett."

Sang was like a general knowing exactly what had to be done and delegating assignments among those in the immediate area.  Then he squatted next to me and his voice softened a bit.

"How you feeling Clarkster?  You just relax, we got this." and then he looked around thinking what else had to be done.

It was not very long before Sang's dispatches returned from their assignments.  Kenton showed up with the portable defibrillator, unbuttoned by shirt  and placed the wired pads on my chest.  Patrick called out that an ambulance was on the way,  Rodney reported that no aspirin could be found.

"No aspirin in the whole building?  A hundred people working here and no aspirin?"  Sang asked?

Rodney shrugged his shoulders, "None that I could find.  No one on the floor had any."

Brett walked up to me and Sang gave him room to move in closer.

I pointed at Brett, "Tiger, I need you to do something.  Phone is on my desk. Text your Aunt Elaine and text Lisa and let them know what is going on, ok?"

"Sure thing dad", he answered adding "I love you".

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 Dit-MCO gave me plenty of travel opportunities and I loved it.   The company sent Dennis and me to Chicago on an almost annual trip.  We were to attend a trade show at McCormick place, which we did.  Kind of.  The company didn't mind us going because it didn't cost them much.  All the company had to pay for were airline tickets, cab fares and meals.  We provided lodging and that was how we got the annual trip.  Dennis had a cousin who lived in Naperville, a small town to the west of Chicago.  His cousin lived about 2 blocks from the Naperville train station.  We would fly into O'Hare, take the train to Naperville, and walk over to the cousin's house.  In the morning, we would have a good breakfast with the cousin and his friends, walk to the station and arrive at Union Station in downtown Chicago.  We would take a cab over to McCormick Place and spend a good part of the day picking up literature and samples to prove we actually attended the show.  Then it was two days of fun.  The first day of fun was ALWAYS at the Museum of Science and Industry.  I do believe that by the time our trips came to an end we had seen most of the museum.  It was the Holy Grail to us.  Then we would see other sites like the Sears Tower or the Hancock Building even took one trip up to see Wrigley Field but it was in October and the Cubs would not be playing and if they were it was sold out.

The company started a research project on an optical testing system and I was put on the team.  We had signed on with a small company in Berkeley, California to help with the optics.  It was about once or twice a month for 2 years of visiting the Bay area for a week at a time.  There was not a lot of time for site seeing and the work was complicated, but we did manage to see quite a bit during those couple of years.  On one trip to the Bay, Bill Wilson and I went out on a Saturday giving us time to drive down to Monterey and see Pebble Beach Golf Club and Cannery Row (I am a HUGE fan of John Steinbeck).  So it wasn't all work and no play.  My last trip with Dit-MCO was a trade show for Printed Circuit Board industry.  I very much needed to learn and the company flew me out to Massachusetts.  On this trip I did attend seminars and classes and soaked up as much as I could in three days .... out of five.  On Tuesday of that week I drove in to Quincy and Plymouth.  I saw all of the John and John Quincy Adams sites.  It was something I thought I would never see.  A quick trip to see Plymouth Rock, The Mayflower and other various things made for a great day.  On Thursday I took the "T" into Boston arriving in Boston Commons.  I did a walking tour of Boston that was loaded with history.  Too much to even go into now but maybe in a future writing..  I want to emphasize though, that on Monday, Wednesday and Friday I was working hard at the trade show learning.

The other trip that stands out in my mind was one to Anaheim, California.  It was a trade show that Dit-MCO was a vendor with a booth to inform customers of our products.  Gus and I stayed for most of the day but then decided to take off and head for Long Beach where we took a tour of the Queen Mary and saw Howard Hughs' Spruce Goose.  Fascinating. That evening the two of us flew up to the Bay Area to resume working on the optical project.

Thank you Dit-MCO.

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As I lay there on the floor with Kenton monitoring the portable defibrillator I heard the electronic voice from the device.  "START SHOCKS NOW" then it would be quiet for a few seconds only to repeat the command.

"Kenton," I gasp between pains, "Don't you dare..."

Kenton let out a small laugh and said, "As long as it shows you have a pulse, I won't".

"Thanks".

I remember pointing at Sang and accusing him of this being his fault for working me so hard.  Brett came back and asked me how I was feeling and informed me that he had texted both Elaine and Lisa.

"I cannot believe there isn't any aspirin in this whole building!" Sang said with an incredulous tone.

David, the newly hired CEO of the company put something under my head while my colleagues chattered among themselves around me.

"The ambulance is here" Rodney reported and Sang relayed the message to me.

"Okay Clarkster, the ambulance is here.  How you doing?" he asked.

"Doing ok boss man"  

The paramedics arrived and began asking questions about my medications. I could not remember them.  They hooked me up to a monitor and put an oxygen mask on me.  That helped me breathe much easier.  They had aspirin and gave me a nitro pill.  They then asked if I had a preference on a hospital.

"St. Luke's East.  They have all my medical records."

The paramedic glanced at his partner before saying "East is a ways away.  Plaza ok?"

"Yeah.  Sure, The Plaza will be fine."

After a few more readings of the monitors they put me on a gurney and began rolling me out the door, down the ramp and to the ambulance.  Brett was walking beside me assuring that he would get my car to the house.  They slid me into the back of the ambulance and as the doors slammed shut, I closed my eyes trying to get my thoughts in order.

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I enjoyed my job.  I was drawing, pencil on paper.  It was art in a way I told myself.  Sure I had the aid of straight edges and circle templates, but there was a skill to it.  Not only was I drawing I was designing.  I was creating things and mathematically making sure the parts would fit together and do what they were supposed to do.  I was not only creating art on paper, but seeing that art morph into metal by way of the machine shop. 

Then the mid-eighties happened and the personal computer began to make it's appearance across the industry.  The electrical engineering department had just begun using AutoCAD for drafting and design.  There was no doubt in my mind that the future was here and I had better get a jump on it.  I went to management asking them if I could get a computer and start learning AutoCAD.  I was told that I could, but on my own time.  They set me up with a computer in a room in the back of the production area and after work everyday I sat and learned.  Soon I had a computer on my desk along with my old drafting table that was being used less and less.

As the downsizing at the company continued, the number of buildings we occupied became less.  I was one of the last three to leave the Kansas City, Kansas office and the company buildings were quickly cut to three.  When we cut to two buildings, I moved into a new office without a drafting table present. I was totally on computer now.  I wasn't drawing anymore.  Not drawing by hand anyway.  It was a learning experience though and I did enjoy it.  It was still drawing but with a different medium.

I am not sure how I survived the downsize or why the company ended up keeping me.  I never asked.  I didn't need to know why.  I had my job and I loved both the job and the company.

One day I was out on the floor helping put together one of our machines, Ralph Taylor, then Vice President of Engineering called me over to where he was sitting and watching us work.  He told me he wanted me to learn the PCB software because it would give him a reason to keep me around.  I thought about that a long time.  A reason to keep me around could be a bad thing or a good thing.  It didn't really matter as I had no choice.  I began learning software to do a type of engineering I had only dabbled in way back when I was just starting out at Rycom.  Shortly after I started working with the software, Dan Nipper who had been at Dit-MCO from the beginning, retired.  I was on my own.  There were a couple of engineers who had a little experience with the software and I tapped into what knowledge they did have to help me.  It would be a rough period in my career as I learned the art of laying out a printed circuit board and learning the complicated software at the same time.  In addition to the board layouts, I still filled in with AutoCAD and the 3D version of AutoCAD named Inventor.  All of a sudden I was using four very complicated software packages and expected to us them proficiently.  Eventually I would accomplish that goal and I  began to be able to make those printed circuit boards look beautiful and be works of art in and of themselves.

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 "Ambulance rides are not the smoothest around", I thought as we headed towards the Plaza.

Two paramedics were in the back with me while the other one drove.  I swear I could feel every bump in the road as we came close to the Plaza District of Kansas City, Missouri.  The Plaza is one of Kansas City's nationally known areas.  It was the first "shopping center" in the country.  That is the claim anyway.  The roads in The Plaza are narrow and congested.  It sits in a small valley in which Brush Creek makes it's way through the city.  It seems like it is always in repair in one way or the other. The old buildings that made up the original Plaza are repaired by redoing the surfaces of the outside structures to keep them safe and beautiful.  Recently the roads in the Plaza have come under the attack of construction equipment as they are slowly rebuilt and resurfaced.  Traffic is still heavy in the district and with all of the orange cones everywhere you look with some roads closed off for the construction, it can be pretty slow moving through the area.  Such was the case on that September day.

I began to get worried once when the ambulance made a right turn.  One of the paramedics leaned forward and looked out the front window.

"Hey!  We're going to St Luke's, right?"

I just lay there quietly trying to keep the pain in check.

The driver yelled over his shoulder, "Yeah, we got a traffic jam ahead.... going to have to go around to get to Broadway!"

"Oh! Okay.  It's that time of day I guess!" the paramedic answered the driver.

This whole time they were talking to the hospital giving my vitals and my ETA to them.  Finally the ambulance went into the garage where the emergency room was located and came to a stop.  The paramedics opened the door and pulled me out.  As we hit the automatic doors that went to the ER, I was suddenly surrounded by masked nurses in gowns of paper talking back and forth to the paramedics to get all the information they would need.  Soon I was in a little crowded room with people all over me, all doing a specific chore that they were assigned to do.  They took blood.  They hooked me up to new monitors.  They replaced the paramedic IV with their own.  Questions were flying at me and I answered as best as I could while the pain persisted.  I am not one that tolerates noise very well but I knew I had to listen so I could answer them.  I closed my eyes again to try to hold the pain at bay and focus on the questions and the details they were sharing with each other about me.

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Over my career I have toyed with the idea of retirement every now and then.  When Dit-MCO offered a 401K retirement plan, I discussed it with Dennis.  I was only 24 at the time and retirement?  Well that felt like all the time in the world.  At the time Dit-MCO was matching employee contributions up to 8% which is a pretty good rate.  Dennis convinced me that it was free money.  Take it while they're giving it away and so I did.  The institution that was controlling the 401K gave us all some strategy in how to set up our investments.  The younger you are, the more aggressive you can be but as you get older, become more conservative with how you invest.  I set it up at aggressive and never looked at it.  

My friend Gregg is about the same age as I am and both of us were born in October. Gregg started at Dit-MCO a couple of years after I did so we worked for many years together.  About 20 years ago we started joking about retiring on the same day.  It would be a lot of fun we thought.  Barbara use to laugh at the thought of me and Gregg as two old men skipping out of Dit-MCO holding hands and singing.  It was just a far away dream that neither of us really saw it happening.  We couldn't see that far into the future.

I remember when I turned 60 thinking, wow just 5 more years .... or 7 ... maybe 10 or 11 depending on how much Social Security I would receive.  I began looking into it and it looked like I might have to work until I was 71 so I put the thought of retirement away in the back of my mind.

Dit-MCO was very good to me in giving me time off to take care of my Uncle and my sister and Barbara as well as helping out mom and dad a bit.  It was something I had to do and they understood.  Still retirement was far from having to think about it NOW .... plenty of time before I would have to deal with that.

July 23, 2018.  Possibly the worst day of my life.  Barbara had heart surgery on the 18th of July that did not go well.  After a week of sitting by her side, myself and the doctors agreed that Barbara's body and her organs were too damaged to keep her living.  The kidneys were not working.  Her liver was failing.  Her heart could not sustain a heart beat.  Her lungs did not have the capability of bringing in oxygen.  Barbara died that day as I gave her my last kiss that I could while she was still alive.

Three months later my father would suddenly pass away when his heart just... quit.

I sat alone on New Years Eve of 2018 thinking.  I did not know what my future would look like.  I lost a big chunk of my inner drive that day.  I became tired as 2019 started.  I had to keep moving forward in life.  I knew that.  There were times I did not want to continue forward but I overcame and continued on.  I started thinking more and more about my 65th birthday.  I would reach that in 2021.  The thought that I would probably have to work until the age of 71 stayed with me though.

Then a day in March of 2021 came around.  I woke up to see about four inches of wet Kansas City snow on the ground and on my car.  As I was outside moving that heavy snow off of the car in the dark I made my decision.  The next weekend, look at the 401K.  Look at the bank accounts.  Come up with what I actually have and figure out how soon I can retire.  I was tired.  I was fed up.  I did not have any motivation anymore.  Since Barbara had died, Dit-MCO had become less of an exciting career and more of a miserable, mind draining job that I did not look forward to going to everyday.  My fire was out.

After going through the finance excersize I was very surprised. Putting money in that 401K since I was 24 had turned into a nice little nest egg.  I decided to check it out with a financial advisor just to see if I was thinking right.  My sister Karen gave me the name of her financial advisor and I decided to go for it.  Matt Brown met me in May of 2021 and we went over my assets.  He worked up a financial model.  The result was that yes, I could retire and be comfortable at the age of 65.  That was a Friday afternoon.  On Monday morning, I turned in my letter of retirement to Dit-MCO as being October 15, 2021.  I was giving them plenty of time to replace me and for me to train my replacement.  October 15th it was.  I counted up my vacation days and found I could start working 4 days a week with a vacation day each week until October 15 rolled around.

The plan was put into action.

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As the nurses each completed their assignments on me, the little room in the ER began to slowly thin out.  The nurse that was in charge of screening calls to check on my condition started showing up a time or two.

"There is a lady saying she is your sister, a Karen?  Is it okay to let her know how you are doing?"

I smiled.  Karen is not my blood sister but my sister by way of being my eldest sister's best friend.  To me, she truly is my sister.

"Sure.  It's ok.  She needs to know"

I looked through the nurses that were still bustling around me and saw Brett.  Now there is one thing you need to know about Brett.  He has a very real hospital phobia.  I don't understand it.  He doesn't understand it.  Yet here he was in the ER with me.  I waved him over to talk.

"Did you get a hold of Elaine?" I inquired.

Brett let out a sigh. "Yeah.  I texted her.  To get your car home, Rodney followed me out to the house then drove me back to the office so I could get my car to head over here.  She called me on my way over here and asked me 'Where are you?' so I told her I was driving. 'Why aren't you at the hospital?'  I told her I was on my way there and explained I had to get your car home and I would be here in a minute or so."  The he smiled and let out a little laugh.

The nurse came back in and announced, "A lady saying she is your fiance' is on the phone ... is it ok?"

"I ain't got no fiance' " I smiled and laughed as much as the pain would let me.  I knew it was Lisa knowing they wouldn't give her information if she was "a friend".

"So, I guess you got a hold of Lisa?" I asked Brett.

He had a grin on his face. "Well it sounds like she got my text."

About that time Brett's phone notified him of a text.  He read it then looked at me.

"Lisa is out in the parking lot.  They only let one person in to see you."

I directed him to go out to the parking lot and talk to her and let her know everything was good.

The nurse came in and said they were getting a room ready for me.  He looked at me and inquired about the pain level.  He could see on my face I was still not feeling real well. 

"Let me get you a little morphine" he said

I am not one that likes to take drugs. "I won't get hooked on it will I"

"Oh yeah ... one shot of this and tomorrow morning you'll be snorting crack up in your room."  He chuckled.

It was the first time I had any real pain medicine in my life that I could remember.  It did help to ease the pain.  Soon they came to take me up to the fourth floor.  It is one of the Heart Issues floors.  When I got there and settled in, after the nurses took my vitals and did everything they were supposed to do, I was left alone.  It occurred to me that Barbara had spent a lot of days on this floor of the hospital over the last few years of her life.  I slept a little that night but not much.  My mind was full of thoughts of not only the remembrances of Barb being in close proximity to where I was but also what my future was going to be.

The next morning was September 2.  Barbara's 66th birthday. That hit me hard.  Suddenly the door opened and in walked .... Brett?  I was so glad to see him.  I knew this wasn't easy for him but he was doing his best.  He had brought my MP3 player, my phone and charger cables for each of them. He stayed and talked awhile but pretty soon had to head to Dit-MCO.  He left me with an "I love you dad" before heading out.  I really love that kid.

My assigned cardiologist came in with his nurse to talk.  They had taken some sonograms or something and found I had two blockages in my heart just off of the aorta.  One of them was 99% blocked and the second one was 88% blocked.  He explained a lot of stuff that I didn't really understand and told me they wanted to do a procedure that afternoon.  I would have to sign some papers but it was a common procedure to put some stents in to clear out the blockage.  I said sure and signed the papers.

Soon they came and took me to get my stents.  I can't tell you much about it.  It was strange though.  It was like I was asleep but I heard everything they were saying.  Weird.

When I got back to my room Karen was waiting for me.  I was so glad to see her.  we visited awhile and it was a good visit.  Visits with Karen always are good.

That night I was in my room alone.  I picked up my phone and started looking at my memories from Facebook.  It was filled with Happy Birthdays to Barbara.  They were from both before her death and after.  I looked at the pictures of Barb and memories flooded my mind.  Soon I was wiping my eyes as tears started to blur my vision.  Just then the night nurse came in and looked at me.

"What's wrong Mr. Clark?" she sincerely asked.

"Well, my name is Bill ... so if you don't mind ... today is my wife's birthday." I explained.  I told her how Barb had died and then it suddenly hit me.  I was in the ICU of the heart institute.  Barbara had died just down the hall from where I was laying.  I told her I was going through my phone and all the birthday wishes for Barbara and this nurse did the nicest thing.  She came over to my bed and looked over my shoulder at the pictures on my phone and let me talk to her about Barbara.  She was so kind and it was such a loving gesture.  I will never forget her kindness.

The next morning the cardiologist came in and said everything went great.  I should be able to go home later in the day.  He asked me if I had a ride and I told him I am sure I will.  Lisa had said she would be there that morning.  Sure enough, before to long Lisa walked in.  Dit-MCO had sent me a potted flower pot and Lisa expressed how nice it was.  Lisa and I just talked about things.  How I was feeling.  How she was doing.  And Wow! Brett came over yesterday morning?  A very good visit with Lisa.  Pretty soon the nurse came in to give me my instructions for when I got home.  I listened but Lisa listened intently.  She wasn't going to let me screw this thing up.  Before too long we were on our way out of the hospital.  The nurse pushing me in a wheelchair and Lisa going to get her car.  She took me home and we talked.

"I'm not going back to work.  I'm done." I told her.

"I don't blame you.  So what are you going to do?" she asked.

"Well, tomorrow is Labor Day so I guess I'll go to the office on Tuesday and tell them I'm through".

Lisa agreed with me.  No sense in pushing it getting back to work.

After Lisa left to go home and take care of her family,  I went bed for my first good night's sleep since Thursday night.  It felt good.

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On Tuesday, September 4, I went to the office.  I went to talk to Sang about my decision and he was very understanding.  I talked to HR and we figured I still had enough vacation days to get me to October 1.  I decided that would be fine with me.  October 1st it is.  I went back to Sang and told him about the vacation days and everything.  I agreed to stay a bit and talk to Ian about the software and come in the next morning and talk to Ian for another half day, then I would be on vacation until I retired on October first.  And that is what happened.

I got informed from Melissa, our clerk in engineering, that we would be having a retirement lunch in Martin City for me on the day of my official retirement.  I sat and thought about my retirement dinner in the following days leading up to it.  I have seen a lot of people retire from Dit-MCO over the years.  They usually had their families there with them as they said goodbye to their friends, coworkers and the company.  I wasn't sure about going but knew I had to.  They had planned it.

On October 1, 2021 we gathered at the restaurant in Martin City.  We had pizza and some had beer while I stuck with my iced tea.  I sat next to Patrick, who had sounded the initial alarm on my heart attack.  Brett was there enjoying an afternoon off.  Gifts were given to me to have memories of my almost 42 years at Dit-MCO.  It was a very memorable afternoon with my friends.

I am not much of a public speaker but they insisted I say something.  I can't remember my exact words but I can remember the feelings that I tried to express with those words.  I was thankful to be able to work with so many good people over the years.  I was thankful to have been able to stay with one company for so long. I expressed how I had envisioned walking out of Dit-MCO with my head held high knowing that I had given the company everything I had until my last day instead of being wheeled out on a gurney with unfinished business yet to do.  I felt bad about that.

Dit-MCO is a good company.  They take care of their people like no other company I know.  The people who I have worked with over the years are great people.  This company does not have backstabbing going on, or power struggles or finger pointing.  Problems come up.  Mistakes happen.  But my experience with the people I worked with was, that when those things arise, we talk about how we can fix it and get it done.  I feel so lucky to have been employed by this company.

But the deepest feeling I felt on October 1 of 2021 was the absence of Barbara.  She loved Dit-MCO as much as I did.  She knew I was happy there for all those years.  She saw how well the company treated their people and how good the people of the company were.  I wanted her by my side that day.  That is how it was supposed to be.

200 YEARS

 August 10, 1821. On that day the United States made it's greatest expansion move since 1776 and still stands as the nation's greatest acquisition.  On that day, 200 years ago, the United States of America granted statehood for the 24th time.  The great State Of Missouri entered into the Union.

Missouri did not enter statehood smoothly though.  It took many debates in Congress what the circumstances of Missouri statehood would entail.  The result was the Missouri Compromise.  Under this compromise Missouri would be the last state to enter the union with the right to make slavery legal if they so desired.  Missouri walked the fine line between slavery and emancipation.  Missouri has vast cotton fields in the southern half of the state, particularly in the bootheel portion of the state.  However, when the Confederacy was created Missouri did not join the rebels.  It remained a Union state much to the chagrin of about half of the population.  Because of this, Kansas came in as a free state and the Civil War brought some of the fiercest fighting along the Kansas and Missouri border.  In many ways the rift between Kansas and Missouri continues to this day.  It is hard to explain the dynamic of it, but you can feel it.

Besides the Missouri Compromise, Missouri has a rich history.  It was where the Lewis and Clark expedition kicked off as they made their way up the Missouri River in search of the Northwest Passageway.  William Howard Clark, yup same name as the one I carry, would become the first Governor of the state.  Both the Oregon Trail and the Santa Fe trail had their jumping off points on the western edge of Missouri.  The Pony Express, which carried mail to western destinations in the wilds was based in St. Joseph.

It is the setting for the last eastern city in the country (St. Louis) and the first western city (Kansas City).  The Great Arch along the Mississippi River in St. Louis is the Gateway to the West.  

This state brought us Jesse and Frank James and the Younger brothers.  Modern day Robinhoods.  St Joseph was also the place here Jesse died.  To those in Missouri he was murdered as a southern folk hero.

This is the state that gave Harry Truman to the nation.  You're welcome.

The state is where the two largest rivers in North America come together with the Missouri River and Mississippi River joining together.  This convergence of the two mighty rivers made Missouri one of the biggest inland ports in the nation.  The Missouri River is also the anchor that created Kansas City from a little trading post called Westport to a thriving metropolis that it is today.

Geography wise the state is beautiful in all parts of it.  From the cotton fields of the southeast to the scenic bluffs over looking the river in the northeast.  The Ozark "Mountains" (even if they do seem more like very high rolling hills) in south central are a wonder in and of themselves.  In mid-October these hills turn into a canvas and a wonder of God's handiwork.  Yes, I have been in New England in the fall and have seen it's beauty, but the Missouri Ozarks can stand toe to toe with it.

Kansas City is known as the City of Fountains having fountains everywhere you look.  It is home to the second largest public park with Swope Park sitting second to Central Park in New York City ... I should recheck that but I am pretty sure it is.  At any rate one of the largest public parks in the nation.

It is a major center of culture and the arts.  Kansas City and St Louis are major centers but the culture runs in all parts of the state.  Questions that?  Visit the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City.  It is world known as one of the great galleries in the world.

Missouri straight out middle America.  It holds that title proudly.  It is a diverse state that celebrates many cultures, races, and philosophies.  It has swung back and forth like a slow moving pendulum between conservative and liberal.  Currently the pendulum seems to be starting it's swing to the left but in about 50 years or so it will swing back to the right.  always has and always will.

One last thing.  The Missouri State Flag is, in my mind, the prettiest, most classy state flag of all the other fifty.

I could write more and I did plan on writing more but distractions with a higher priority came along, so I will stop here giving you a small but good idea of what the state is like.  It is wonderful.  

The sad thing is though, there doesn't seem to be a lot of celebrations planned as far as I can tell.  Of course, I don't follow the news as much as I use to and I am pretty well off Facebook except to check on friends and family to see how they are doing, so there could be a lot going on but I am ignorant of them.

Bottom line is this.  I LOVE THIS STATE.  I am proud to be born here and to have resided here my entire life.  I am proud of this state.  Yes we do have problems just as other states do but to me this is a special place.  I truly love Missouri.  I have been flying my Missouri State Flag since mid July in my own way celebrating this historic day. It is home.  I am proud to call it home.

Happy Birthday Missouri!!!!  Here's to the next 200 years.  I love you.

 

THE HUMAN CONDITION-CHEATING

I know what you are all thinking.  "Oh no, another argument about the cheating in the 2020 election."  Honestly the election is not what brought this idea to my mind.  I might touch on the election later on because I do have a lot of questions about voting irregularities in certain parts of the country but I am prepared to believe that this country has a strong enough Constitution to continue on.

This is what started my mind thinking about cheating and how widespread it is in our everyday lives.  It was a short documentary I saw on YouTube about the 1973 Soap Box Derby in Akron, Ohio.  The Soap Box Derby began in 1935.  The Derby gives children across the country a chance to compete in a home made racing car the runs on the power of gravity.  It is a chance for child to be exposed to engineering with the use of mathematics and physics to build the fastest car to get down a hill.  Every year the National Derby is held in Akron with winners from cities across the country competing for the title of champion.

The Derby is one of those sports that as the years went by was considered to be true competition based in fairness and good sportsmanship.  As the years have progressed the rules have grown to make sure that all the cars and drivers are playing on a level playing field.  The car was to built by the driver and adult worse prohibited from building the car.  Adults could be advisors to the creation of the car, but the work was to be done by the kids.  It was always considered one of the most innocent of competitions that existed.  The Soap Box Derby stood for honesty, fairness, and basically scandal free.  At least it did until that summer day in 1973.

Jimmy Gronen won the Boulder, Colorado Derby that year.  He was 14 years old and had a very efficient car.  His cousin, Bobby Lange, had won the national championship in 1972 and now it was Jimmy's turn.  As the national Derby started and continued, no of the other cars came close to beating the car from Colorado.  Jimmy won the Derby and received the trophy, US Savings bonds and the fame of being the Champion.

It seemed unusual that one car would be so far advanced past the average Soap Box Derby car.  An investigation was begun and the results of that investigation would almost make the Derby shut down.  The investigation of the car found that Jimmy's car had an electromagnet in the nose of the car.  Under the foam of the headrest in the car was a small push button switch.  The switch was connected to a battery hidden in the back of the car.  When Jimmy got in the car, his head would depress the switch, closing the circuit from the battery to the magnet in the nose creating a magnetic field strong enough to attract the car to the metal flap on the starting ramp so that when the flap fell forward to let the car start to roll down the hill, the flap would actually pull Jimmy's car down the ramp giving him quite an advantage from the start.

As it turned out, Jimmy's uncle did quite a bit of the creation of the car.  Jimmy's uncle, Robert Lange was charged with aiding to the delinquency of a minor among other minor things.  Jimmy was stripped of his title and the Derby barely survived.  Now the cars are built from purchased kits that cannot be altered in anyway.  The rules are almost so tight that any imagination that a kid may have for a car is squashed.  The race is hardly reported on anymore.  I had to google to find out if it was still an event in Kansas City.  Turns out it is although it became a victim of CoVID-19 this past summer.

After watching this documentary I started thinking about cheating.  Is our competitive so strong that even a 14 year old would agree with the suggestion of his uncle to cheat other kids out of a trophy?  The answer apparently is, yes.  We cheat at almost anything we can think of or feel we can get away with.

The first thing that entered my mind was Major League Baseball.  The all American sport.  The sport that fills ball fields across the country with people of almost any age.  I love baseball.  I was raised on baseball.  I spent whole summers playing baseball and going to games at Municipal Stadium everytime the A's or The Royals were in town.  My childhood heroes were baseball players. just as they were for my dad.  I do not remember any ball players being caught cheating in baseball, but I could be wrong.  But look at baseball closely.  How many times have we seen a bat break when making contact with the pitch and suddenly there is cork out on the grass in front of home plate and the remains of the bat reveal a drilled out core where the cork had once resided.  The cork is said to lighten the bat and give the wood of the bat a little more flexible to spring the baseball away at a faster rate than solid wood.

I have seen umpires called out to the mound to check a pitcher's hat, his fingers, his pockets and his glove to look for foreign substances that help put a different spin on the ball and makes the pitch go in all different directions and speeds.  I have seen pitchers kicked out of games for this.

Then we entered the enhancement drug scandals.  Suddenly some players bodies were bulking up to be almost cartoon looking.  Homerun records fell at an incredible rate.  Suddenly the record set by Roger Maris in 1961 of 61 homers was being surpassed easily by these bulked up athletes.  It had taken Roger Maris almost 30 years and hitting behind Mickey Mantle in the lineup to break Babe Ruth's record and now 40 years after Maris set that record, it seemed like the record was virtually up for grabs.  It came down to one season when two players, Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa easily passed the record and began race to the end of the season on which one would end up with the most dingers.  It seems like the MLB has finally gotten some control over the performance enhancing drugs with the last noticeable player whose reputation was in question was Barry Bonds.  We no longer see these monster bodies that show up over the off season out of nowhere.   The thing is though, how do we measure the greatest players of all time now?  We can not be sure of any record set with a bat is legitimate. 

The latest cheating scandal to rock MLB is the Houston Astros sign stealing that propelled them to a World Series championship.

It isn't just baseball of course.  Boxing has always been under the microscope of cheating.  Whether it be adding a substance inside the gloves ot downright throwing the fight and losing intentionally.

Probably the worst scenario of cheating to most people would be horse racing.  The things that some trainers or owners have done to these horses for a win is despicable.  Horses can be permanently injured or damaged from some of these practices.  

Cheating of course spreads far from the sports world onto almost every part of society and life.  It penetrates the stock market  making some a little richer while doing who knows how much damage to companies or the economy.  Cheating on school tests, from middle school to college is surely taking place on an ongoing basis.  

I have seen videos documenting where Chess Masters playing in tournaments on the world stage have been caught or accused of cheating.  Technology today allows them to have access to computer engines advising them of the best move to make.  It kind of makes Spasky and Fischer a little more impressive when watching their matches from the 70's.

Of course world wide, countries cheat on their agreements that are carefully negotiated to maintain an advantage from an economic or military stance. 

Religious leaders are constantly being caught cheating, either with finances or just pure lying to get ahead.  This has been going on since the idea of religion was conceived thousands of years ago.

Have I cheated?  Oh yes, I can remember a few times when I did and in a not very good way.  But I can also recall times when I chose not to cheat when I could have.  I think that is where all of stand for the most part.  We cheat.  But not on a consistent basis.  Cheating for the vast majority of us is not part of our life style.  Most of the time we cheat thinking it isn't REALLY cheating, it is just finding a little advantage to get ahead in our endeavors.  Sometimes cheating feels like it is a necessity, a means to an end. An end that we think is not only desirable, but critical to achieve.

What bothered me about the 1973 Soap Box Derby was the idea of adults telling kids it is okay to cheat in an event that has a reputation of fairness and gamesmanship. The result is that the Derby was forced to take away the creativity of kids as they participate.

Survival of the fittest.  I feel like that is what it comes down to.

Being human is not always pretty.  The only thing we can do as individuals is to take a look at ourselves and find those things that are not so pretty and take steps to fix it.  We must continue to try to make improvements in ourselves and maybe, just maybe we can set an example for future generations that lessen some of these faults that we all have.

JUST A LITTLE CHIT-CHAT

I just noticed that I have not written or posted since July 6th earlier this year.  That is too long of a period between posts.  So let's see what we can come up with.

Today is Tuesday.  Election Day in the United States.  Yeah .... not going to write about that.  I am not going to write about politics at all. You all probably pretty much know what my thoughts are ... at least most of you.  There are those that think they know where my stance is when it becomes apparent that they do not have a clue.  

This whole year has been marred by the CV-19 virus.  No sense in talking about that either.  Lifestyles for all of us have been completely turned upside down.  The thing about this virus thing is that it has been tied to politics and the election and so everyone is up in arms against each other across the board.  Nah, not going to write about that either.

Major League Baseball was different this year.  To me it was a little disappointing.  Because of the virus restrictions, the Majors only played a 60 game season.  They went ahead with the playoffs and had a World Series.  I decided that for me, this was not a legitimate World Series and should not go into the record books.  My basis was that a mere 60 games is not nearly enough games for the cream to rise to the top.  You need at least 162 games for the best teams to prove their worth over time.  However, I was glad they did play this so called World Series because of the last 30 seconds of game 4.  That little amount of time made the whole thing worthwhile.  I encourage you to check out the 9nth inning of game 4.  Definitely worth your time.  But baseball was redefined by the virus and I don't want to write about the virus ... so I am not going to write about baseball.

Actually when you stop to think about it, just about every part of life was touched by either the virus or politics.  Perhaps that is why I haven't written in so long.

I was planning on traveling to Alabama in March to visit my mother and family members but thanks to the virus, It was delayed.  Mom was in lock down at her living facility so there was not much point in going.  I did finally make it to Alabama in mid-October though.  My little brother and his wife, myself and my mother and sister and her husband celebrated mom's 90th birthday a month and a half early.  Mom was able to escape from her facility to spend a week at my sisters.  It was a good visit.  It wasn't a perfect visit though.  I fell off my sister's front porch one night while staring up at the wonderment of the stars and tore up my knee and my ribs.  Those of you who have been following this blog know that I do not have a very high pain threshold and this hurt.  Then there was the hurricane that blew through putting my return to Kansas City off by a day so I wouldn't be driving through it.  Other than those two things, it was a very good week.  I am happy to report that my mother is in very good health and we were able to avoid any political talk.

I don't want this to be a wrap up of the year and it feels like it is turning into that.  I want to save that for December.

Social media ... well, I have been limiting my time on Facebook and stuff because, quite frankly, there is too much hatred flying around the election.  One of my dear friends accused me of being a troll and told me to go somewhere else to do my trolling.  I do not troll.  I asked a question concerning a post by said friend that I did not have the answer to.  Apparently it offended my friend so I was labeled a troll.  I don't play games like that.  If I ask a question, it is a sincere one.  Then there is all of the ignorance people seem to be showing .... nope, not going to go there.  I just have been staying off my computer and the internet a lot.  I don't need all of the arguments and stuff in my life right now and I certainly do not need to be called names or labeled as something I am not.  When I do get on the internet, it is to get news of those that I care about.  How they are doing.  Seeing pictures of my nieces and nephews so I can enjoy them since I can't see them.  I have reconnected with old friends, a couple who are very special in my life as I was growing up.  It has been a good experience.

I can say this about the year so far.  I still miss a lot of people who influenced my life and have passed on.  That will never change.  I still take my grandpa with me everywhere I go in the form of one of his bandanas in my rear pocket of my jeans.  I have been carrying one ever since he died.  On my way to bed each night, one of the last things I do is kiss my fingers and then touch them to a picture of Barbara that I moved out into the living area of the house.  I don't say anything or stop and look at her picture, just give her a tiny kiss each night ... well most nights... at least once a week or so  Last week marked 2 years since my dad passed away in that horrible year of 2018.  I brought out some more of my Uncle Dan's works of art to display and think of him often when I see the results of his marvelous talent.

Now I often stop and ponder my own aging. I turned 64 last month.  One more year until my planned retirement.  I remember when grandpa retired and when my father retired.  Seems so long ago.  Now I am facing my own step into that part of life.  My twilight years are definitely upon me.

This brings about thoughts of my own death.  The thought of dying does not bother me.  I am not scared of dying.  One of my friends reminds me often "To every season ..." and she is right.  There is a time for everything and that includes dying.  Don't get me wrong now, I am not ready to die quite yet.  I feel like I have a few more years on this earth left in me.  However, if my doctor told me I had a week left?  No big deal.  I am ready to deal with that possibility.

I do feel like I am starting to burn out at my job, which is kind of sad.  I have loved my job my whole adult life.  I have loved the company I work for and have been faithful to it.  But I am getting tired I think.  I began to feel the burnout after Barbara died and it has slowly increased.  I think that whole second half of 2018 pretty much burned me out on life in general.  Sometimes, I simply do not care anymore.  Like this election that we are having today.  Yes I think it is important.  Yes I plan on voting.  Bottom line though, is whatever happens, I am not going to have to live with the outcome for very long.  My son will though and that is probably the biggest reason I will vote.  Really though, it is just another election.  This country has survived many of them with different outcomes.  This country will survive this one as well.  But I am not going to talk politics ... remember?

Many of you are bragging "I survived the year 2020!" ... I got that beat easily.  I survived 2018.

MURDER MYSTERY IN MY YARD

THE FOLLOWING IS MORE A LESS A TRUE STORY.  NONE OF THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE.

The last thing I do before I go to bed at night is to take my constant and best companion, Dutch, out in the front yard with me so that he can take care of any unfinished business while I grab a smoke.  Ordinarily it is an uneventful time for the two of us.  Dutch weighs in at about sixty pounds and is strong enough that I have to be on alert when we go out.  If Dutch spies a stray cat or the occasional possum, he has a tendency to lunge toward the night stalker and I must be prepared.  One night a couple of years ago I was not being very vigilant when Dutch spotted one of those night creepers.  He lunged and pulled me over.  My right foot was planted firmly though and my leg snapped in half.  After Dutch realized what had happened he dragged me up to the front porch so I could seek aid.

On this night however I was being vigilant and at the ready for such a sudden pull so that when it did come, I was ready.  Dutch pulled forward and started barking.  I looked down the street to see what was catching his sharp eyes.  I saw nothing.  He continued to pull and bark and no matter how much I tried to calm him down he would not give it up continuing to pull and to bark until I finally saw what I thought he was after.

It was a very dark spot in the middle of the yard.  I squinted my eyes trying to make out what it was but could not figure it out.  I did notice it wasn't moving and seeing how Dutch was so set on the figure I thought I should try to see what it was.  I took Dutch back into the house where he went over to the window to observe what I was doing. As I approached the dark spot I started to notice it had shape and depth to it.  As I circled around I finally came to the proper conclusion.  It was a midnight black cat and it appeared to be dead.  I started looking around for any indication of how this victim had ended up in my front yard.  I did not find any clues but it was dark that night as clouds were hiding the moon and the light it usually reflects.  I decided I would wait until the morning and do an investigation then.

When I awoke the next morning, I found it to be gray, cold and cloudy with a slight chance of snow.  A perfect day to investigate the heinous crime that had left a victim in my front yard.  I donned my Eddie Bower sweatshirt jacket with a hoodie and headed out to the crime scene.  When I got to the unfortunate one I discovered that I had been right the night before.  It was a totally black cat laying on its side and it was indeed dead.  I made this observation by taking note that it had not moved since Dutch had discovered it the night before.  I pulled my Pentel .05mm mechanical pencil and my note pad out of my pocket and began taking notes.  The cat's head was facing the street and its four paws were pointing to the south.  I looked over the cats body as it lay there and I did not see any wounds or blood at all.  That was curious.  Perhaps I would find more clues on the underside of the cat.

I had seen a pesky raccoon on the roof of one of my neighbor's house a few days before and it crossed my mind that the cat could have died from a rabies infection.  I decided it would probably be best for me not to actually touch the cat so I went into my garage and retrieved one of my forensic tools that I keep for just such an occasion.

I brought my snow shovel out and walked calmly over to the cat.  I slip the blade of the shovel under the cat and lifted it up a bit until its body slid completely onto the blade.  I stepped on the handle of the instrument in order to lift the blade up out of the grass giving me a better look at the body that lie before me.  I took notes of my observations as I tried to find clues.  I estimated the cat to weigh approximately eight to ten pounds.  It was totally black with not one white spot showing.  This, I knew, would have to be taken into account while I looked for blood.  I studied the fur of the unfortunate soul and did not find any wet spots indicating that there was not any blood that I could detect.

As I continued to take notes on my little pad thinking that no detail was too small to be noted, I felt like I was being watched.  I squatted down pretending to take a closer look at the cat and started to slyly take glances around.  I look at my own house and, as expected, saw Dutch's eye peering over the bottom of the window watching every move I made.  I glanced over to Lori's house and saw a space in the blinds that revealed her two eye watching intently.  I glanced across the street and saw the big figure of Chuck standing in his kitchen in the back side of his house watching though his front window from there.  I quickly turned my head to the house on the south side and saw the front door close quickly but quietly.  Yes, the neighbors were watching the investigation with a lot of interest.  Maybe a little too much interest.  I did not have time just yet to worry about the neighbors, I needed to wrap up my observations.

I checked the cats face.  The eyes were closed, shut tight.  The mouth showed what I thought could be construed as a painful look, halfway open with its sharp little teeth barely visible.  I checked the front legs and paws of the cat and did not find any defensive wounds at all.  I must be missing something.  I started replaying episodes of Law and Order along with Blue Bloods trying to bring to mind anything I may be missing in the investigation.  I could not think of anything I was overlooking.

I stood up and looked over my notes, flipping through the fifteen or so pages that I had written down.  It didn't make sense.  I stood and looked over the cat one more time, checked my notes and then went to get the body bag for the cat.  I went to the garage and came out with a thirty gallon garbage sack that on this day would serve as the body bag.  I picked up the shovel and placed the cat into the bag, tying it off at the top to secure any evidence I may have missed in case I think of something later on in the investigation.  I carried the bag to the north side of the house and gently tossed it up against the house then stood studying my notes more.  I had come to what I thought was the answer to what had brought the cat to its untimely demise.  It was the raccoon.  I walked it through my head.  I figured that the raccoon had snuck up on the cat one day, or night, last week and had scratched it or placed a small bite on the cat.  The cat had probably thought it was a tick or flea bite and shook it off without thinking anything of it.  The rabies poison had settled into the cats bloodstream and started doing its damage.  Yes, I would have to find the raccoon and bring it to justice by calling Kansas City Animal Control to arrest it and take it away.

About that time my neighbor on the north side came walking out.  Charlene is a beautiful elderly lady who keeps a sharp eye on what is happening in the neighborhood.  She made her way towards me with her hands on her hips as always.

"What's up?" she asked seriously.

"Well Charlene, Dutch found a dead cat in the front yard last night." and I proceeded to share my notes with her from the investigation.  She stared at me as I relayed the facts of the case in amazement.  I assume that she didn't realize my abilities as an investigator and so she was indeed stunned.  She lifted her hand and started waving it at me as if to signal me to stop so she could say something.

"Have you talked to Chuck about this?" she asked in total amazement that I had not interviewed any potential witnesses as of yet.

"Well, no, not yet.  You are the first witness I have talked to.  You are a witness I presume?  Did you see anything last night?"  I was firm in my questioning to let her know she should not try to put anything over on me.

"Well, no I personally did not see anything, but Chuck said he did."

"And what did Chuck have to tell you about this?"

"Well," Charlene began giving me a rather strange look, "Chuck said that a car had come down the street just as the cat was crossing and it hit the cat.  Car didn't stop I guess.  He said that he walked over to the cat to see if he could help it, but the cat hissed at him, so he walked away."  Charlene was still looking at me in wonderment at my ability to investigate.  I had obviously asked the right question.

Charlene pointed at my pad of notes and pointed at it without taking her eyes off of me.

"So, do you have a suspect yet?" she asked with a hint of a smile.  That smile told me she knew I did have an idea of who was responsible for the crime.

"I figure it was the raccoon."

"The, umm, raccoon?" Charlene repeated.

"Yes, the raccoon.  I saw it top of Sally's house the other day so he is out and about.  I think he did a sneak attack on the cat and poisoned him with rabies"  I said while using my hands to point to Sally's roof and then to the spot where the body had been found.

Charlene sighed before putting her hand over her mouth. "Well, you could be right on that one.  I am guessing the hiss of the cat points it that way?"

"That's the way I see it."  I looked over at Chuck's place to see him just exiting his house.  "Thanks Charlene.  Think I'll have a little talk with Chuck now."

Charlene turned and went back to her house shaking her head as I started to cross the street to talk to Chuck.

Chuck is a big guy.  He stands about six foot two and weighs in at about 270 I would guess and he is a talker.  Chuck loves to talk and doesn't seem to hear what others may be saying to him.  I waved at him.

"Hey Chuck, you got a second to answer a couple of questions?"

Chuck stopped and looked at me.  "Depends.  You got an extra smoke?"

"Really Chuck?  You need a smoke to answer a question or two?"

"I remember things better if I have a smoke." Chuck stated matter of factly.

"Okay, okay," I reached in my pocket and pulled out a smoke for him " Here you go, now I got just a couple of...."

"You got a light?" Chuck was looking at me holding out the cigarette.

"Geez Chuck.  You haven't bought that lighter yet?"

Chuck stared down at me. "I said ... Do.... you ... have... a LIGHT?" He was emphasizing his words by stabbing the cigarette in the air towards my face.

I reached back in my pocket and pulled out my light and handed it to him.  He lit the smoke and took a couple of puffs staring off into the cold sky.  He slowly lowered his head and looked at me.

"Okay, now what is it you want to know?"

"Well, it's about a cat me and Dutch found in the front yard last night.  I was wondering if you could tell me anything about it."

Chuck smiled and started pacing back and forth a couple of steps at a time.

"Sure I can tell you all about that.  You see it was last night, before you and that mutt came out like you always do.  What is that about anyway? No matter. Okay the cat.  I was out last night taking in some air and seeing if it was snowing yet when I seen this cat you see.  Now, I have never seen this cat around here before.  You know Lori over there has a black cat but it has a lot of white on it too but this cat, well this cat was solid black.  Blackest cat I ever seen.  Well, this cat is in my front yard you know and I don't really care if it is in my yard, but something about that black cat spooked me so I took a step towards it to shoo it off and it stopped and look at me then started to run across the street.  Just then, just as this cat was heading in the street this car come racing down the street and BAM! hit the cat.  Car didn't stop, didn't even slow down.  I reckon he didn't know he had hit the cat.  Well, that cat, he is laying out in the middle of the street and I could see it was still moving you know so I go out to see if I can help it at all.  Well, as soon as I get within five feet of that thing it started hissing at me.  I don't need no hissing cat at me and besides, hey have you seen that raccoon hanging around here? well I have and I figure maybe that cat got the rabies from the raccoon and that is why it was hissing at me, so I told myself I don't want to mess with a rabies filled hissing cat so I walked back over here.  I stood out here and watched it for awhile and it started to pull itself, well it was more of a crawl I guess but it started crawling over towards your place.  Got into your front yard and stopped.  I figured it was dead at that point or would be shortly, so I went back in the house.  Nothing I could do for it, you know.  It was in pretty bad shape, so I went back in the house."

I gave up trying to take notes on Chuck's account as to what had happened because I couldn't keep up with him.

"That answer your question?" Chuck asked.

"Yes sir, I believe it does.  Thanks Chuck."

"No problem," Chuck said as he went and got in his car.

I stood there and thought about Chucks version.  It pretty well matched up with what Charlene had said but then again, Charlene had gotten her facts from Chuck so you would expect their stories to match.  Chuck had mentioned the raccoon though while Charlene didn't seem to know about any raccoon in the area.  If Chuck's version was right, then you couldn't really blame the raccoon for the death since a car was the actual cause of death.

About that time Susan and Cory, who are my neighbors to the south came out of their house getting ready to go to breakfast.  I decided it was worth a shot to see if they had any more information.

"HEY SUSAN, CORY, YOU GOT SEC?" I yelled over to them.

"Sure,". Susan said, "What can we do for you?"

They are a young couple who are extremely nice.  They haven't lived there but a couple of weeks so this crime was their indoctrination to the neighborhood.

"Well, I am looking into the case of this dead cat Dutch found in the yard last night."I explained.

Susan lowered her eyes, "Oh yes, that cat.  It was awful.  It was so very sad." and she reached out and held her husbands hand.  "A car hit it last night.  I was just getting home when it happened."

Susan looked over at Cory who nodded his head to urge her on.

Susan sighed.  "The car didn't even stop.  It just kept on going.  So, so very sad." and Susan sniffled a bit.

I softened my voice as I continued to ask her questions knowing how upset she was.

"What happened after the car drove off?"

"Well, that man over there," she said pointing towards Chuck's house, "He came out to try to help the poor thing but I guess the cat was in a lot of pain."  She stopped and thought for a second.  "I think it was in pain because it hissed at that man and he was just trying to help.  Then the poor thing crawled over into your yard and...."

Susan broke down and sobbed.  Cory put his arm around Susan's shoulders and whispered "and it died there, in your yard."

"Thanks.  I appreciate your help" I said as I watched Cory lead Susan to the car and gently help her in before shutting the door.

I sat on the front porch and looked over my notes.  I reran the witness interviews in my head.  It seemed that they all pretty much coincided.  I was convinced it was that filthy raccoon but in the end, I could not pin it on him.  Sure, the raccoon may have poisoned the cat, that was a definite possibility but it wasn't the rabies poison that killed the cat.  No it was a speeding out of control car.

I went in and typed up a report spelling out my conclusion on the murder in my front yard on my computer.  I proof read it correcting any mistakes I happened to find.  I sent the report to the printer and printed it out in nice bold type.  After placing the official report in a folder, I tucked it under my arm and walked out to my car.

About that time Charlene came striding out of her house.

"Where you headed?" she asked excitingly.  Charlene didn't drive so I thought she needed a ride somewhere.

I held up the report in my hand and said, "Taking this report I typed up on the murder to the police station.  They probably can use all the help they can get."

Charlene's eyes lit up and a small smile crossed her lips.  "I was hoping ... I mean thought you might be going up there.  Mind if I ride along?  I would love to see them express their appreciation to you."

"Sure, hop in. It will be nice to have some company going up there."

She got in the car quickly and fastened her seat belt. "Okay, let's go" she said with a touch of excitement in her voice.

So Charlene and myself headed to the station.  I had a feeling that the police would be very interested in this report and probably be very thankful to have such responsible citizens in the city trying to help them out.