Friday, December 31, 2010

GOODBYE 2010 - HELLO 2011

When I was a youngster, I figured out how old I would be when we turned the page to the year 2000.  It came out that I would be forty four years old.  At the time that seemed like very far away and in reality I didn't think I would live that long.  I did live that long and I saw 2000 in and enjoyed all of the fears of how the year would bring about mass computer crashes and shut down world economies.  None of that happened.

What did happen was that I broke mentally shortly after that.  Deep clinical depression grabbed a hold of me and chronic anxiety came along for the ride.  My life changed in that moment of time and I have been fighting it ever since that day.  Again I looked at the year 2010 and did not think I would see it.  I almost didn't see it as I went through one bout of suicidal thoughts that were so close to the surface I was hospitalized for a week.  I will write about that at a later date in more detail.  The point is I did see the year 2010 and it wasn't easy to get here.

The past year has been one of intense stress for my wife and I.  She has developed chronic back pain and my depression is still with me, although somewhat controlled.  We worked on facing 2010 together and seemed to be doing a fine job of it when she was diagnosed with cancer in May.  When this happened the stress level went through the roof.

We managed to work through her cancer surgery and as of this writing she is clean of the dreaded disease.  After the cancer began the huge fighting between the insurance companies and the providers that helped do the surgery as well as my mental therapy to keep me on the right track and not go back to where I was earlier in the decade.  Now the stress is not about Barb and cancer but about the daily struggle of trying to get the bills straightened out so that we can move on from the medical hurdles of 2010.

This past year of 2010 was very tough economically as well as emotionally.  There was a lesson to be learned during the past year and I think my wife and I have learned it well.  We need to help each other stand against all of the hurdles that life can throw at us no matter how often they raise their heads in our path or how high of a hurdle they represent.  If we stay supportive of each other, we can make it through.  Things may not always turn out the way we want them to and we could lose some major battles but no matter what we have each other to lean on.

It was this lesson that allowed us to struggle our way through 2010 and that gives us the strength to prepare for 2011.  President Lincoln once said "A house divided against it self cannot stand."  I believe the president was very wise in that statement.  It proved to be correct in 1864 and for Barb and I it proved to be correct in 2010.

It is a lesson that neither one of us will let slide past us in the future.  We must help each other.  We must be able to trust each other enough to lean on each other.  We must be honest and sincere.  Most of the time these things are not easy and a lot of times we forget that we have a partner to help us through things.  But what we have learned is that when the situation gets to a certain point. we must be able to shift into those actions of trust, love and dependency on each other.  We can do that.  I totally believe that we can because we did in the past year and I firmly believe we will continue to do that in the year to come.  When all is said and done at the end of 2011, we will still be standing tall, together as one and that much stronger for it.

I sincerely hope all my readers and followers have a very happy New Year and that 2011 is a year that we can all work our way through.

1 comment:

  1. I know that you and Barb have had a very hard year. Your dad and I learned this lesson early in our married life (like the first six months) and by loving, trusting and supporting each other and trusting in God to see us through, we have had sixty happy years. Our wish is that you and Barb will have as many. Love you both.