Tuesday, April 22, 2014

'NIGHT MOTHER

Not sure what the exact quote is but in this film the daughter tries to explain her decision to take her own life to her mother.  It goes something like "I am hurt, tired, alone, frustrated and done."  She had been thinking about it and planning it for a while and decided that instead of just leaving a note, decided to spend one last evening with her mother.  It is a great film.  It gives her a chance to explain why she is doing what she is and looking at it from afar, it seems a cruel way to get ready to leave this world.  A note would be much better.

I do identify with this film so much though.  The pain. The feeling of uselessness and being a problem for everyone around.  To be honest, it isn't like anyone really cares.  The daughter's brother could care less if she were around or not.  A note would suffice for the most part.  I am sure there would be questions for awhile, but soon it would fade with time and slowly become a family story that might be handed down every once in a while to later generations.

In today's day and age, the truly proper note would be a mass email to whoever you wanted to leave it for.  Write out the note saying what you feel you need to say, press the "send" button and then leave.

If I were to decide to leave this world on my schedule, that is what I would do.  Wouldn't want to send it to too many people though .... ten at the most.  Wife and kid would be sent one of course.  A couple of close friends, a cousin or two and a niece and a nephew.  None to my siblings though.  No, they would have to find out through the grapevine.

I would have to be careful not to make it a note that sounds like whining.  I would have to keep it classy.  My decision, why my decision was made, and make sure that no one takes any guilt or blame as people tend to do.  No, it has to be understood that I thought things out, came to a decision on my own, and once the decision was made carry it on through.

There would have to be a song lyric or quote included because that would be expected from me.  The tough part is choosing what lyric I would use.  There are so many songs that would fit the way I feel and help explain why I made the decision I did.

IN my early years I use to think that "My Way" by Paul Anka would be PERFECT.

"And now ... the end is near .. and so I face ... the final curtain ...."  After thinking about though, that song would not fit with me.  I have not done it my way, life that is.  I lived my life everybody else's way.  Tried my whole life to do what was right, to please people and failed miserably at every turn of a corner.  Nope, "My Way" would not make the cut.

Don McLean's "Crossroads" or "Vincent" would be good nominees.  I am sure a Paul Simon could be found to fit or a Warren Zevon ... that's it.  Warren Zevon's "Keep me in your heart".  that's the one.  That whole song would be included in my note.
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Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile

There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you're doing simple things
around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile

You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on
your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for awhile

These wheels keep turning but they're running out
of steam
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Keep me in your heart for awhile
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That's my good bye song.  The fact that I LOVE that song makes it even better.  I would hope they would play that at my funeral, if they decide to have one for me.

You know, I wouldn't even have to write anything else.  No more explanation needed.  Just read those master words from Mr. Zevon.  That should be enough, and make things a lot easier for me as well as those who receive my note.

Still have some thinking to do on this.  But as an overview, I think this serves what I wanted it to.  Got me thinking about the proper way things should be done.

I like it.

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