ON MY FORTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY ... A POEM OF SORTS

FORTY-FIVE YEARS

October 13, 2001

Forty-five years is long enough to live

after all that time, nothing left to give

except trouble and bother and stupid thoughts

that no one cares and that no one sought

The nothingness that awaits us all

is sitting there waiting for me to fall

i think i am ready to take that final plunge

and my life and waste of space will be expunged

Forty-five years is dragging it out too long

after all that time, it is tough to be strong

the trouble and the bother to make another day

is almost impossible with the walls that are in the way

my mind is empty now, more so than before

i cant remember anything and it chills me to the core

so many things i saw before i was even thirty-five

i've added ten more years that i shouldn't be alive

forty-five years, maybe it really is time to go

i can't feel nothing. not even a little sorrow

forty-five years, it takes strength to make a life

now i can only wonder if it was worth the strife

now i realize that it also takes strength to die

the big question now is if i have it and why

forty-five years and i realize i don't have enough

strength to do the one thing, i ain't tough enough.

i don't have it in me to take that final stride

i guess i have no choice but to live and to abide.